Dear Diary
by RisqueDelusions
Summary: Dean Ambrose, William Regal's faithful housemaid, has started a diary where he jots down his thoughts and desires. A filler story based off of "1,001 Nights" from Grendel's Arm.
1. Entry 1

There seems to be this connection between myself and Mr. Regal that transcends a typical master and servant relationship. From the very first day I think I could sense something off of him. I can't really put it to words, but it was definitely something. I could see it in his eyes the most. I need to bear in mind that I am still his servant. A servant can love its master, but I cannot just assume myself to be his lover and forget everything else.

I still remember that first day when I auditioned for the job like it was yesterday. I know Mr. Regal was specific with his ad, but I never imagined my uniform would be what it is. It was initially what confused me so much about his true intentions. I couldn't help but wonder if a maid was truly what he wanted or if this was just how he liked things. Who am I to judge what people like? I've been through much worse and humiliating things than this and it was all just some sort of specific fetish that my masters at the time harbored. Mr. Regal doesn't cause anyone any hurt or grief with this so I see no reason to question his tastes.

I don't mind wearing these clothes and accessories at all, but anyone can see the sexual nature of it. In all my years of serving people, I've had my fair share as a sexual slave and I had thought I knew what people wanted. Mr. Regal has proven me wrong. Sometimes I think he's just oblivious to some of the things he does. Maybe the time he has spent alone has made him forget personal boundaries. Not that I mind when he embraces me and kisses me on the cheek, I actually love it, but I'm just not used to actions like those being the norm. At least not for someone with supposedly no interest in sexual interaction.

The punishment with the collar and chain...as painful as it was, I couldn't help but feel that it was just a way for Mr. Regal to indulge in something he otherwise wouldn't think of. We all have something that we keep locked away. It's clear that he intends for me to remain locked away in here. That's fine. I never had much of a place in the outside world. This is my world now at least for as long as it lasts. To find out that it really was truly just a punishment, however... It just further goes to show that I cannot just make assumptions about this man. I hate to disappoint Mr. Regal. He has been so good to me and all I want to do is return the favor through my service to him.

In any way possible.

After just barely a week, Mr. Regal and I have had sex. The way he whispered that I only deserved the best...The way he touched me and sucked me... It shouldn't feel like anything new, because it isn't, but with him I feel fresh somehow. He gives me a sensation I have never felt from my other masters. In that moment when he fucked me I did hope that I could have felt more of his love along with his primal need, but there I go thinking more like a lover than a servant. I have a feeling that, despite being able to reassure Mr Regal the other night, I won't get something like yesterday again. Am I really just his maid now? Am I his whore now too? Does he now wonder the same thing? Either way, I really meant it when I told him that I am whatever he wanted me to be. I'll gladly be both if it's what he desires.


	2. Entry 2

**_Thank you all for your reviews. I know that these entries aren't too terribly long, and there hasn't been a complaint about word count yet, but just know that each entry is probably going to cover maybe around 400~600 words. I'm trying to keep this like a diary format, so don't expect a lot of words. Go to 1001 Nights for that. ;)_**

It's all so surreal. I haven't been here that long and already so much has happened for me. I'll admit that Mr. Regal's reptiles had me shaken up at first, especially Fred. I don't know why I was ever nervous, though. Perhaps freak accidents do happen to people, but there seems to be a natural bond that I'm developing with the reptiles. Kind of like the one I feel I share with Mr. Regal, himself. I just need to stay patient.

Speaking of Mr. Regal, he has once again managed to surprise me. Yesterday evening was no dream although it probably could have passed for one if I didn't know any better. I had always wanted to just touch his hair, but being able to massage his head and make him feel good was amazing. I don't know what came over me when I moved my hands downward, though. I saw him stroking his cock and all of a sudden my body took over my mind. Clearly he was enjoying himself, but like I said before I cannot just make assumptions about this man. Doing what I did could have brought bad consequences, but thankfully that wasn't the case. He embraced it and wanted me on him.

This wasn't sex. What happened yesterday was so much more. We bonded in every sense of the word. I felt like I was a part of him in that moment; that he was a part of me. I was no longer his servant, but...something else. Lover? I wouldn't say so, but it's just an indescribable thing to me. I didn't want that moment to end, but that's life. Nothing lasts forever.

It made me happy to hear him actually want to share my bed with me again. Not his bed, but mine. In the servant's room. This is no ordinary master and servant relationship. In the past some of my masters indulged in the pleasures of my body, but at the end of the day I was just their toy. I wasn't a person. Mr. Regal is my master and he makes me feel like a person. He makes me feel. He may have strange ways of going about things sometimes, but he cares about me. I just know it.

Today is the day of the hearing. I wish that I could be there to help him as a witness, but perhaps my presence would do more harm than good in more than one way. I hope everything works out in his favor.


	3. Entry 3

**Again thanks for the reviews. It's nice to get such positive feedback and see that people enjoy this alongside Nights.**

_As Dean pulls up a chair outside the local coffee shop, he pulls out a folded piece of paper and begins gathering his thoughts._

I'm so stupid. So incredibly stupid. The one good thing I have going on in my life and it's gone. Just like that and all because I didn't say anything sooner. Yes, Livingston sent me to William with one simple mission, to keep him occupied so that the deal ultimately wouldn't go down. I was a different person then, though. I had nothing to gain or lose. I didn't have the care for anybody. I just had my job to do.

It was easy to keep up my front at first, but over just a short period of time I began to like and respect William. He lowered his guard and truly accepted me as a part of his home. As unorthodox as some of his punishments can be, he showed true compassion as well. Neither Livingston nor any of my past masters have ever given that to me. I was their servant, their thing. Not with William. My servitude to him had begun to evolve into something greater, but now I've wrecked it. I fucking wrecked everything and now I have nothing.

It's only been an hour and a half since I left the castle and already it feels like I have been away for ages. I miss William, his soft voice, his touch, his smell, his warmth. I can only imagine how he is feeling right now. I half expected him to beat the living breath out of me for this betrayal and I would not have stopped him. Not because I liked it this time, but because I deserved it. His distance, however, did more hurt than any physical blow could have possibly done. I can't stand to see him like that. Maybe this would have inevitably happened even if I did tell him before he found out the hard way, but at least I would carry a cleaner conscience and it would have possibly left less of an impact on him. It was stupid of me to think that he wouldn't have eventually found out especially at the court. I guess I just hoped that Livingston would have kept his mouth shut, but I know well what kind of man he is.

I didn't take the journal with me because it wasn't mine to begin with. It was wrong for me to just write in something that didn't belong to me, but I hope William someday reads the words I have written in my time there. I don't expect forgiveness, but hopefully he will at least see that I truly cared for him. I always will.


	4. Entry 4

_**While was down, I posted this chapter on my tumblr, but since then I have actually added a few extra details to the chapter before officially submitting it on here. Nothing too huge. Just some details to make some parts make more sense in my mind.**_

_Where to begin…_

So here I am, back at the castle again as Mr. Regal's maid. His maid only… So much has happened between the two of us and now I'm starting over. I can stay professional and keep my distance, but I can't just forget about those moments we shared. Those moments of intimacy are forever burned into my mind. No amount of drinking or professional distance will make me forget.

The night out on the balcony where I first felt his embrace. His body was so warm and being wrapped between him and his robe made it easy for me to forget the cold of that night. His kiss on my cheek and his whisper in my ear… I didn't feel much like a servant. I felt like something much more precious, especially when he told me how he defended my honor against that bastard Livingston. A feeling that, up until then, was alien to me. "_Ain't nobody going to give a shit about you, boy. You're nothin but cattle at this point. Save your tears._" Some things people forget in life and other things stick with them until the end of days. I still remember those words well. The first words I woke up to as a boy when everything before that point was a haze. To this day I still don't remember my life before I was 10. A part of me wishes I did, but another part of me wonders if it's best that I didn't. It must not have been all that great if I wound up a slave.

When Mr. Regal pleased me in the cottage it only furthered my confusion as to where he and I stood with each other. There I was, like a whore, letting him touch me and suck me off. I'd be lying if I said I never wanted it. It felt great, but there was always the nagging feeling in the back of my mind asking me "is this right?" It definitely felt right for a time, but that was shattered when I saw the shame on Mr. Regal's face. My mission at this castle was originally to do this very thing. To bring his guard down. After a while, though, I began to prefer a more professional working relationship like how Mr. Regal originally thought I was here for. Was such a confusing time.

For the first time, after a while, things seemed to be more clear with where we stood with each other. At least at the end of the day when he would share my bed with me. I've never had a master who preferred to share my bed with me. The only time I ever shared a bed with previous masters was when it was in theirs and it was just for sex. Very rarely enjoyable. The moment they were finished it was back to the cage for the dog, so to speak. With William, in those moments, I felt like I was his. Not his servant. It's like for the first time I had the safety and security that I always dreamed about. Like I was loved. I have never really known what it was like to be loved, so I guess just about anything positive would have done it for me.

If nothing else seemed to confirm it, it was that time in the bath. We may have had sex, but it was different. No words were needed. His eyes seemed to speak volumes when I looked into them. They told me that this is a man who has spent many lonely years isolated. A man who desired someone special to fill the void. That perhaps I was the one. I don't know what he saw from mine, but we connected. Everything felt right. When we kissed there was no more doubt about anything. I may be inexperienced with these things, but if I were to ever discover what love felt like then that was the closest thing to it. But… apparently I was wrong...again…

I'm back to square one with William. I don't know what goes on through his mind, but I guess I shouldn't expect to experience any of those intimate things again. I'm starting to feel deja-vu in writing those words since I've written them before. However, I have a feeling that this time William means it. Will he even refrain from giving so much as a kiss on the cheek? Will he avoid any possible physical contact? I will miss those things, but at the same time I'm at least back where I feel I belong. I was able to tune out the world when I was dancing in the middle of all of those grimy people at that night club, but overall I hated being there. In growing up I wouldn't have minded the clubs so much, but after spending this time with William it seems I can no longer just be comfortable in those environments. Despite William being so upset with me the last time I saw him, thinking of him helped me tune out those disgusting people.

William still cares for me, that much is certain. It will be interesting to see where our stories go from this point on, but I will make the best of it. I no longer have anything to hide from him so I can only expect happier days for the both of us.

_**Thanks for reading!**_

_**I'm looking forward to the next chapter of 1,001 Nights. Go read it if you haven't already!**_


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